


In the dawn / of a most stormy life – was drawn / From every depth of good and ill / The mystery which binds me still

by becauseitwasreal



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (but he tries), (or not), Could be read as shippy, Insecurity, Murphy Being an Asshole, Murphy has issues, Self-Doubt, dad!Bellamy is here to fix everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 22:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14435592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseitwasreal/pseuds/becauseitwasreal
Summary: Murphy has been isolating himself in his room for three weeks, and Bellamy isn't having it.[Oneshot based on 5x01, so beware for spoilers!!]





	In the dawn / of a most stormy life – was drawn / From every depth of good and ill / The mystery which binds me still

**Author's Note:**

> From childhood's hour I have not been  
> As others were; I have not seen  
> As others saw; I could not bring  
> My passions from a common spring.  
> From the same source I have not taken  
> My sorrow; I could not awaken  
> My heart to joy at the same tone
> 
> Alone - Edgar Allan Poe

“Murphy?” Bellamy gave the door a soft knock. “You in there?” It was a rhetorical question, of course. Murphy hadn’t left the room for three weeks now, and he didn’t seem adamant to do so anytime soon.

“Fuck off.”

“I’ve brought you dinner.” He was trying. He was really trying. Murphy was getting on his very last nerve, but he knew that if he didn’t try, no one would. Echo didn’t particularly care – she hadn’t known Murphy well when she came aboard, and Murphy had never made an effort, which meant that Echo hadn’t either –, Raven thought Murphy was being a dick and would get over it, Monty and Harper had put up with it for a solid three days before they joined Raven’s camp, and Emori… well… he understood why she wasn’t speaking to him. Murphy’s behaviour was _wrong_ and unfair and perhaps Raven could even be right. Bellamy knew that, even as he stood here, knocking at that door, as futile as it was. He would never understand Murphy’s behaviour, not really. He never had. But he also knew that he had let Murphy down before, and that hadn’t ended well for either of them. They simply had to live together on this ship, and to hell with it, Murphy was his friend just as much as the others were.

 _“Why do you_ still _care,” Harper had yelled at him last night. “Let him drown in his misery if that’s what he wants.”_

_Monty nodded. “I know you always want to help people, Bellamy, but some people just don’t want help.”_

_Bellamy didn’t say that he had wanted help when he had closed himself off from his friends, a good six years ago now. He didn’t say that he still marvelled at the way that Kane hadn’t given up on him. Had never given up on him._

_“He’s right, Bellamy,” Emori said. “He’s being an ass. The only reason that he’s pissed is because I’m good at something and he can’t work out the controls for the life of him. I’m suddenly not the damsel in distress anymore and he can’t –”_

_“I doubt that Murphy ever saw you as a damsel in distress,” Raven said with a smile._

_Emori threw her a furious glance. “My point is that he’s being a childish dick. He’ll come crawling back sooner or later.”_

_“You know what he’s like, Bell,” Harper said. “He’s selfish, he always has been. Remember when we first landed… what he did –”_

_“Is a long time ago,” Bellamy cut her off. He didn’t want to be reminded of that time. Of what_ he _had done._

_“It happened.”_

_“It’s a low blow, Harper. We’ve all done things we regret.” He knew he did._

_“I’m not sure if Murphy has ever regretted a thing in his life,” Harper said with a huff._

_“He regrets,” Emori said with a blank stare. “I’m just not sure if he ever learns.”_

Bellamy sighed. He didn’t believe that Murphy was simply jealous of Emori. Even if what Harper said was right, and Murphy was the most selfish idiot in this corner of the universe – which, statistically speaking, wasn’t that unlikely – Bellamy had always thought that Murphy respected Emori and her capabilities. As far as he’d understood, Emori had saved Murphy’s skinny ass more times than he could count and had always been the smarter one. He just didn’t understand why that would pose a problem _now_ , after five years. He knocked again. “Come on, Monty has updated his concoction a little, so it’s marginally less disgusting than yesterday.”

“It told you to fuck off.” Murphy’s croaky voice was followed by something slamming against the door.

“What has the door done to you?” Bellamy said, trying to keep the mood light, while he was in fact ready to break the door down.

“You’re standing behind it.”

Bellamy dragged a tired hand over his face. “Look, Murphy, I’m not going to pretend that I understand what the hell your deal is, because frankly, I do not, but please just let me come in for five minutes and get something to _eat_. After all the crap that has happened back there on earth, do you really want to die because of your own stubbornness?”

“I’m not dying, drama queen. But that _does_ sound like me, doesn’t it?” Murphy’s voice had an edge to it, and all Bellamy’s alarm bells were ringing.

“You’re the one being dramatic. If you don’t fucking let me, I swear I’ll break the door down.” Bellamy had expected Murphy to laugh at his threat – he probably had it stacked up with chairs and the like by now – but it remained awfully quiet on the other side. Bellamy hated the silent treatment – at least when Murphy was talking, he knew he was relatively okay. He had almost asked Raven to use a laser on the door when Murphy hadn’t opened up or made a sound for three days straight last week, but she said that he should leave him alone. Murphy valued his privacy. And the silence had brown over.

“You’d actually do that?”

“I’ll have you know that I was very close to doing so last week, but Raven wouldn’t help me.”

Murphy laughed now.

Bellamy smiled as he heard the door opening, but his smile dropped as soon as he saw Murphy’s face and the state of the room behind him. “What the hell happened here?” he asked, ignoring the fact that Murphy had obviously been crying for now.

Murphy shrugged. “I heard you brought food.”

Wordlessly, Bellamy handed him the bowl.

“Hmm,” Murphy said as he took his first bite. “Still tastes like piss.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes and looked around the room. The place had been trashed, and he was pretty sure that Murphy had made some good effort trying to put his fist through the wall. “Murphy…”

“I’ll clean it up, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” _I’m worried about you, asshole_. “I just wish you’d leave your room sometimes. Spar some with Raven. She’s getting good.”

“I bet she is,” Murphy said, and there was that bitterness in his voice again.

“What is your problem? Is it really so hard to deal with the fact that some people are better at things than you? If I locked myself in my room every time Clarke made a better drawing than I ever could, I’d never leave it either.”

“Well, this is not about drawing, is it?” Murphy bit.

“You’re not bad at fighting, Murphy.”

“Echo thinks I am.”

“Echo’s Echo.”

“You don’t understand. You’re like this perfect poster child –”

“I’m far from perfect.”

“Then what am I, huh? I can’t do _anything_. I can’t fight well and will never be as good as any of you, I can’t help Monty with his stupid plants because _I wouldn’t understand it anyway_ , I can’t work the controls because I – I just can’t –”

“You could put in some effort and actually _learn_ such things, Murphy. If you only just –”

“Get the fuck out.”

“What –”

Murphy was pushing Bellamy away from him, towards the door, an angry snarl on his face.

“What are you doing?”

“I said _get out_.”

Bellamy grabbed the other boy’s arms and pushed him against the wall until he stopped struggling. “Is it really that hard to try and put some effort into something. Emori has learned. And it isn’t as if Emori had any past knowledge on space, so if Emori can –”

“Yeah, I know,” Murphy said, his voice flat and his eyes accursing. “If _Emori_ , the stupid savage girl, can do it –”

“Emori’s not a savage,” Bellamy said sharply.

“If Emori can do it,” Murphy continued without faltering, “then surely, so must I.” He laughed, but this time there was no joy behind it at all. “Well, guess what, I fucking can’t.”

“Have you –”

“ _Yes_ , I’ve tried. I’ve watched Emori, I’ve asked Raven to explain it to me, but I just – I don’t get it, okay. Not any of it.”

“But –”

“And did you know that Emori can read? She learned to read English within two years, perfectly, even though she couldn’t before. She reads better than I do now. I never really – I wasn’t good at it, and I never will be. It’s not as if I didn’t try. My father – I’m just – I’m stupid, okay.” Murphy was looking away from Bellamy now, finding some spot on the wall behind him. “I know that. I’ll never be good enough. But that doesn’t mean that I’ve got to be thrilled about it.”

“You’re not stupid,” Bellamy said, as he slowly let go of the other’s arms.

Murphy slid down and stretched his legs. “Well, you’re probably the only person who’s ever thought that. Perhaps that makes you even more stupid than I am.”

“Murphy, if you were really stupid, you wouldn’t have survived earth,” Bellamy said, slowly sitting down next to Murphy.

“I’m stubborn. That’s not enough here. And it just reminds me of…”

“What?”

Murphy shook his head, and they sat together in silence for what felt like minutes.

“Hey, Murphy?”

“Hm?”

“Just so you know, it _is_ enough. I can’t speak for the others, but it is enough for me. I don’t really care if you can read well or not.”

Murphy didn’t reply.

“And if you ever need help with any of that –”

“You don’t have to baby me.” Murphy’s voice sounded harsh and defensive.

Bellamy wondered if it had been a mistake to come here. Maybe Harper was right. Maybe he couldn’t help someone who didn’t want his help.

_“Why couldn’t he just be happy with what he had?” Emori had asked him a couple of days ago. “Did I –”_

_“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Harper had said. “Don’t ever think that.”_

_“I sometimes think that he just doesn’t know_ how _to be happy,” Raven said._

Bellamy took another close look at Murphy’s face. For all his harsh words, it looked like he was close to tears. Bellamy simply smiled at him. Yes, Murphy was an asshole, and if he wanted his help he probably didn’t know it himself. But Bellamy couldn’t let it stop him from trying. Not while his friend needed him. “Suit yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make my day (:


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